I really like to write but it’s hard for me to be consistent. Anyways, sorry about not finishing the Camino story… Jaco and I fell in love and we are now living together in San Sebastián (Donostia), Spain while he finishes his university degree. Here’s a picture of us:
I miss the Camino every day and slowly become more and more detached from it. I am planning to do another Camino eventually, but that is not what this blog is going to be about any longer. Mainly it will be for me and those who want to listen. To write and sort of feel like I’m being heard. A form of therapy I suppose and a way of spreading some love and light and flowers to those who want or need those things.
When I was in third grade I had an amazing teacher who instilled the passion of writing into me and I have been journaling ever since. I don’t do it regularly, even though I should, but I do it when I feel the need to get my thoughts out onto paper. It REALLY helps me every time I feel lost or confused, or sad about something. Also, looking back at my journal entries from the past helps me to realize truths that I have written and still believe in and I am able to realize my own patterns of emotions and altering views on life. Journaling is kind of like traveling because your weaknesses and strengths come to the surface of your consciousness.
Every week, I am going to be sharing excerpts from my own personal journal that I want to remember and that I think are worth sharing. Maybe I’ll throw in a photo or two, but sorry, this is going to be mostly me writing and sharing my life view.. maybe you’ll agree with some of the things I say in my journal and it will help you at this moment of your life, or maybe not. Either way, it will be here :).
September 24th, 2014 – Granada, Spain
“Being here has allowed me to see my attributes and flaws very clearly. While I try to be calm and easy-going, I still find myself getting irritated easily and just impatient in general. I find myself frustrated with people often but most of the time it just ends up being a misunderstanding. For the most part I believe people are good and I think I just need to understand that that is not always going to show. Everyone has their doubts and anxiety; everyone is fighting their own battle. The trick is knowing how to fight it and fighting with grace. I have found that sharing my burdens is healing. How can one go through life carrying all of their burdens alone? It’s like dragging bricks that never cease to multiply, bricks that are cemented to you with and chain and the only way you can get rid of them is with words, expressions and emotion. If your pain is locked away in a dark room without a key, it will forever haunt you and will forever be a weight in your gut. And no matter how deeply it is buried, or how tightly it is bound, every so often, you will feel it screaming, moaning, trying to escape. Until you release it, it will forever hinder the growth of your soul.”
Looking back on this journal entry, I feel myself so much younger than I am now. I suppose I still agree with all that I had to say though. It’s true that burdens get heavier throughout life if you ignore them and refuse to share them with those who love you. I have always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve and I would never change this about myself. Sometimes it bites me in the ass because I tend to be a little bit too obvious with my emotions but, I prefer to be real. That being said, if you need to share some of your burden, I am here you beautiful spirit animals ;).